


Don't Tell Me

by Janina, mynameisnoneya



Series: At Her Majesty's Service [6]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, game of thrones
Genre: Confusion, F/M, Jaime Lannister Needs a Hug, Jealousy, Jon Snow Knows Nothing, Not Canon Compliant, Pining, Sansa Stark is Queen in the North
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:15:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27699526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janina/pseuds/Janina, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mynameisnoneya/pseuds/mynameisnoneya
Summary: Sansa's confused, Jon is hopeful, and Jaime is pissed off.
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Sansa Stark, also present-ish?, past-ish Jon Snow/Sansa Stark
Series: At Her Majesty's Service [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2002744
Comments: 46
Kudos: 94





	Don't Tell Me

**Author's Note:**

> Gorgeous banner by mynameisnoneya!
> 
> [](https://imgur.com/FpQqiud)  
> 

Jaime wants to break something. Namely Jon Snow - Targaryen - whoever he was now. Frankly, Jaime doesn’t care what name he went by or if he considered himself more of a Wildling than a Snow or a Targaryen. He just doesn’t like the brooding man who brought Sansa such sadness. 

Who took her attention away from him. 

Jon is a gods damned nuisance and a self-righteous arse. 

His blood is up as he storms down to the training yard, which is empty save for Brienne and Pod. He snaps at Pod to go stand guard outside Jon’s solar for their Queen. Pod glances at Brienne who nods, and he runs off as if the Stranger were after him. 

“Something amiss?” Brienne asks cautiously. 

Jaime picks up one of the dull swords Brienne uses with the men for training and holds it up, turning it this way and that. “I want to spar. Does that count as something amiss?”

Brienne ambles over and plants herself a few feet in front of Jaime. Her expression is unreadable but he knows her well enough to know that she is chewing on something. 

“What?” he finally snaps.

“Sansa’s with Jon in his solar,” she says slowly. “Alone?”

“Of course alone. If there were more with her I’d be there inside.”

“With her.”

“Of course.”

Brienne nods. “As her lover or guard?”

Jaime points the sword at her. “Mind your manners, wench.”

She doesn’t even flinch at his words. Instead, she cocks her head to the side. “Jon is unhappy with the… _arrangement_ between you and Sansa, no?”

“Brienne,” Jaime sighs.

“He doesn’t hide his feelings well.”

“I don’t care what that puny arse thinks about _anything_ ,” Jaime snarls. “Sansa is the Queen. She can do what she damn well wants.”

“Are you jealous?” she asks bluntly. 

The question threatens to bowl him over. He stares at her, a buzzing in his ears. 

Jealous...jealous…he knows jealousy. He felt it with Cersei many times. Too many times to count. He practically breathed and ate and slept and shit the emotion. It was an old friend. But she was the only woman he had ever -

He blows out a breath and his chest clenches. It suddenly feels hard to breathe. 

Yes, he is jealous. 

Because somehow he has fallen in love with Queen Sansa Stark. 

He didn’t think it was something he was capable of, not after Cersei. His heart had always belonged to his sister, even when she’d almost sicced Gregor on him. Even when she wouldn’t send her army to fight the dead. Love didn’t just die. But that love had been severely bruised.

And in the time it took for him to arrive at Winterfell after he’d left King’s Landing, Jaime had realized the harsh fact: Cersei had never truly loved him. She was incapable of truly loving him because she loved herself and power most of all. 

His heart had been in tatters by the time he’d arrived at Winterfell, and he thought himself broken. It was easy to fall into the bed with Sansa. She was beautiful, smart, and just. She was one that should have been Queen of the Seven Kingdoms all along. 

He knows Sansa still loves her cousin. And he knows that Jon has feelings for Sansa - any fool could see it. Or maybe he just knows the signs well because he’d been in Jon’s position watching the woman he loved with another man, and a man he loathed to boot.

It eats Jon up inside to know that Jaime has been inside her and he hasn’t. To know it is him that warms her bed, that is by her side day and night, that gets to fall asleep with her in his arms when the castle is asleep and she opens the door for him.

Jon, Jaime realizes, does not just have feelings for Sansa. He is in love with her. And probably warning her off him. Or perhaps he has grown some gods damned balls and is telling her - 

“Jaime?” 

“How is it that honorable fools like Jon Snow get so much love?”

Brienne nods slowly. “You mean Sansa’s love.”

Jaime tosses the sword into the dirt. He has officially had enough talking and it’s clear that Brienne is not up to sparring. 

Jaime marches off back toward the castle to relieve Pod and as soon as he enters, he finds Sansa and Pod coming toward him. 

He stops and studies her. She looks troubled. There is a crease between her brows and there is a kind of bewildered and pained expression on her face. She doesn’t even appear to see him until she nearly walks right into him. 

“Jaime!” she exclaims. “I thought you were in the training yard.”

“I was,” he says and dismisses Pod with a nod. Pod hurries off, leaving them alone. 

“And what does his Lord Broodship have to say?”

She brings her hands together and fidgets. 

Jaime tugs one of her hands and grips it in his own. “Sansa.”

She looks up at him and sighs. “May we speak?”

Following her to her solar, Jaime feels as though she’s leading him to his execution. 

He’s been here before, in this position of hearing why he can no longer have what he wants because of someone else, or it’s just not the right time, or he’s stupid, or he’s a cripple. So many ways of telling him that he was just not enough. 

He thought he and Sansa had a connection. They both understood suffering and loss. They understood heartache and pain. Beyond that, they didn’t _just_ fuck. There were nights where they stayed up late just talking. She asked him thoughts on different matters and he shared them. Cersei had never listened to anything he had to say. Sansa did though. She didn’t tell him he was stupid either. Sometimes, she even took his advice. 

There was also laughter. So much laughter. He knew now when it was that he had fallen for her - or at least when he’d known that things had changed for him. They had just fucked and were resting shoulder to shoulder when he reached out and touched her side. She’d shifted away from him and giggled and he’d rolled over onto his side and propped himself up on his elbow. “Sansa,” he’d said. “Are you ticklish?”

Her lips twitched and she shook her head. “A Queen does not get ticklish.”

He’d moved so fast she hadn’t been able to stop him. She was a mess of tears and laughter as he’d straddled her and set out to find all her ticklish spots. When he finally relented after she’d pleaded with him to stop, he’d stared down at her, her blue eyes sparkling, her cheeks red, and her lips swollen from his kisses. 

She’d taken his breath away, and he’d realized that there had never been laughter between him and Cersei in bed. It was always a fight for dominance. And he often lost. But with Sansa, it wasn’t like that. There was gentleness. There was sweetness. There was give and take. 

He had leaned down and kissed her passionately and she’d moaned and wrapped her arms around him. 

That night, he’d made love to Sansa. They’d looked deep into each other’s eyes as they moved together as one. He had never been able to make love to Cersei. But that night, he had made love for the very first time and after that, his heart didn’t ache quite the same anymore. 

In his usual fashion, he pushed those feelings down, not wanting to acknowledge them for he was afraid of them. He just cared about her, he had told himself. She was easy to care for. _Everyone_ cared for Queen Sansa Stark, and he was no exception. 

He tells himself now that he knew this day was coming. He had gone into their… _arrangement_ fully aware of it. Seven hells, he’d expected it. He knew Sansa was probably even using him a little to get back at Jon. 

He was no stranger to being used. 

Once in her solar, the door shut, Sansa gestures for him to sit with her before the fire. 

“I’ll stand,” he says stiffly. 

She nods and folds her hands upon her lap. 

He thinks of bathing with her. How she fit between his legs and leaned against him as though she belonged there. (And she did). He thinks of the smile she gave him when he gifted her with a blue rose. He thinks of how she would laugh when he was at his most sarcastic and how he loved the sound of her laugh. 

He can’t stand it. He doesn’t want to be here; he doesn’t want her to tell him this is over. He can’t do this again - and not with Sansa. Not with the purest love he has ever known. 

She bows her head and takes a deep breath. “Jon wants a chance.”

He laughs bitterly. “Ah, so he did get his head out of his arse and realized his feelings.”

Her head snaps up. “You knew?”

“His feelings for you? His jealousy gave him away.” Jaime rolls his eyes. “He makes it so obvious with his glares and his cornering you to tell you how awful it is to fuck me.”

“Jaime,” she scolds. She always scolds him when he’s crude despite all the ways they’ve had each other. He thinks back to when she had left him in her bed while she met with the Northern Lords and when she’d come back, she’d climbed on top of him and sucked him to hardness before mounting him. 

Gods. He loved this woman. “So he wants a chance,” Jaime says, folding his arms across his chest. “Do you want to give it to him?”

She opens her mouth to answer, but no sound comes out. She stares at him and clamps her mouth shut. 

Is there hope? Jaime shuffles closer. “Sansa?”

“We have always been honest with each other,” she says, not looking at him. 

“Yes,” he agrees. 

She looks up at him. “I do not know what I want. I am unsure of what I feel.”

“Have your feelings for Jon changed?”

She tosses her hands up. “Yes and no. I no longer see him the same. I have so much anger towards him still for all that he did. For how he didn’t listen and brought that woman to the North...but I...I have held such affection for him for so long.”

“You want to give him a chance,” he said softly. 

“What do you think?” she asks. “Am I a fool?” She looks at him as though she is trying to find something in him. 

He wants to say yes, she is a fool. Jon Snow-Targaryen is a damned fool for having Sansa in his grasp and choosing the deranged dragon queen instead. For not even bothering to consult with her -

“He says he did what he did to save us all from the White Walkers.”

“Horse shit,” Jaime snaps before he can stop himself. “There were other ways. He thought with his cock.” He knew he shouldn’t cast stones. He had thought with his cock when it came to Cersei more than once. 

Sansa sighs and rubs her forehead. “Is there any reason I should not give him a chance outside of Daenerys, Jaime?”

 _He won’t make you laugh,_ he wants to say. _He would make you small. He can’t handle your brilliant mind. He does not understand all that you are._

They are familiar words for a different woman. A woman he could not have and wanted desperately. A woman who threw his words back in his face and told him not to be stupid. 

He had fought Cersei to be with Cersei. He couldn’t fight anyone else for her even though he’d wanted to. In the end though, he shouldn’t have even bothered. Cersei’s heart was fickle and rotted almost all the way through. 

Sansa’s heart though - Sansa had a big heart. Her love for the North and her people shone through in everything she did. It was contagious and inspiring. 

What would his life have been like if there had never been Cersei and there had only been Sansa? 

_That’s what it is now,_ he thought. _There is only Sansa now. Cersei is gone. She’s a ghost. And what I feel for her is as dead as she is._

But what he felt for Sansa was alive. What he could _do_ for Sansa to win her favor was something he could do in the open. For the world to see. She had _chosen him_ as her lover after all. She could choose him again, could she not?

He knelt down before her and she looked at him in surprise. He took her hands in his and kissed her knuckles. He shut his eyes and just breathed her in, his head bowed over her. 

“Jaime?”

 _Do it or lose your last chance for real love,_ he thought. He inhaled her scent. He always smelled like her after they’d made love and sometimes he didn’t wash right away because of it. 

He looked up at her. “Don’t give him a chance, Sansa. He doesn’t deserve it. And I...I don’t want you to do it.”

She licked her lips. “Why, Jaime?”

“Because I’m in love with you, Sansa, and I couldn’t bear to see you with him.”


End file.
